I want you to live forever, (then I don't want to die before you.)
 |
| Nadeshiko May 17, 2020 |
My parakeet is about 7 and half years old
but I don't know her exact birth date.
I adopted her from a pet shop that were running out of business in Jackson Heights in 2015 and at that time she was already in her fully grown shape.
 | ||
|
From that day on, I couldn't stop thinking about when she would die. Where I would bury her, if I would be able to be by her when the moment...would she feel a lot of pain or not, and how would I live without her.
(Only recently I learned that they could live longer, 5 to 10 to 15 years.)
 | ||||
For the past two weeks, I was leaving her mostly alone because I learned that her shedding period makes her irritated and stressed to be touched by others. Last Monday, I brought her out of the cage to clean it and also to play with her, and I soon realized she had become much skinnier in the past few days. We all learn at some point of our early life that all life will die someday. We don't need to say "it's natural" and that's what life is. |
 |
| Natsumi Goldfish, "Water Mind", 2017 |
We don't need to be afraid and stop loving others more or allowing ourselves to be attached to others just for knowing that it may make us more sad when we have to say farewell someday.
All day I was worried about her and let her stay around me and observing her, I' happy now that it seems she was just heavily shedding but still very healthy and happy.
Yes, it seemed her shedding period just past, now she seems happier again singing. Although her head is still small as I worried, hopefully it's just her feather, nothing internal, and it grows back soon to full.
I love her. We share many things.
Ever since we found each other, she had seen my personal life, more than anyone in the world. She saw more of my weakness and challenge and mistakes than just happiness. She was there when I had to make a difficult choice. She was with me during the New York City's lockdown during the Covid-19 global pandemic. She even made me adopt another life.
In human society, it sometimes seems like showing that we are aware and by mentioning to others making sure they also remember that all life ends someday and nothing will stay gold, is enlightenment. Or perhaps it is a way for some of us to escape from our weakness by detaching ourselves before giving too much.
But it is okay to wish, and let it be present in our heart and sometimes in words.
It's natural and all humans know what happens someday, but our heart lives beyond nature's law.
 |
| Nadeshiko October 4, 2021 |
I told my mother a month ago that I want her to live forever, she responded to me tenderly "that would be wonderful."
She didn't say anything more about the "but..." that could follow.
The way her voice sounded was everything, she was my mother that moment more than anything else, she knew all emotions inside me, behind my words.Actually she has never been really ill or sick in her life. She was only illitated once in while with her feather cycle/condition. I think in wild life, being sick means not equal to but very close to death.
I think other animals too I have taken care of in the past, most of them have never been sick. I still saw sick dogs and cats as I helped animal shelter, and city birds, etc, but it's only "not rare" when they live in human condition in isolated society from the real nature, where we have ambulance and ER and doctors and hospitals and pharmacies that sells abilities and products that offer more than natural cure of own luck and energy.
Update:
Nadeshiko is happy and healthy now as of October 15, 2021, just like when she came to me.
---------
