The Uncompleted Conversation Pieces
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| July 18, 2019 in Midtown, New York City |
Things you cannot remember is often important
例えば、
世界中のどこにいても会いに行くよと言ってくれる人と、
今そこにいてくれる人と、
これを読んでいるあなたならどちらを選ぶのだろうか。
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| Specimen of A Butterfly In Progress |
例えば、相田みつをなら、彼の作品から推測すれば後者だろうか。でもそれは作品や私たちの知る相田みつをという偶像の話で、実際には家族にだって絶対彼がどちらを選ぶのかはわからない。どちらも選ばないかもしれないし。私たちが覚えている彼は、彼の作品や彼の家族や友人の話から、または生前の彼から作られた、今の美術館やライターによって作り出された、そういう想像の集大成だけれど、残っていないもの、私たちが思い出せないもの、私たちが知らないこと、作品に反映されなかったものは必ず多々あるはずで、果たしてそういうものはどれくらいの価値があるのだろうか。
それはゴッホにも、ベートーベンにもヘンリーダーガーにも言えることで、また私たち一人一人にも同じように言えることで、人々が思い出しえないこと、想像しえないことには、私たちがいなくなった後に、果たしてどれだけの価値があるのだろうか。誰も覚えていないその時に。
When there is no answer, we want to ask and hear from different people
I think politics was like that, very simple, in the beginning.
Now it is hard to have a clear vision, so blurry, it has so many elements that was not there. So where did they come from?
Not saying it is bad, probably that is the true shape. Not always the original shape is real shape of itself. Even for an artwork, it is the same. Anything man-made.
もともと答えのないことだから私たちはいろいろな人に聞いてみたくなることがある
政治とかも、もともとはそういうものだったのだろうけど、今は他の余計なものがたくさん混ざって濁って見える。
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| Specimen of A Cicada In Progress |
The dream I saw the other day ended with this phrase, and I do not know who said that. So my day started from the four words and random questions followed.
Do you think we will lose ability to achieve higher and deeper physical pleasure on our own, if we constantly take outside sources that provide us and take us to pleasure without us involved in the process?
I know when something is too late, it means it is too late.
I know when something is meant to be, it does not mean it is just that some outer force is taking you there.
I know we always have two parents, everyone has, and I believe it is still true, but these days, I have to question about this sometimes. Actually, quite frequently. More and more, day by day.
I know these things from my experiences,
but also I know that knowing these things doesn't always become much of help for one
to stop following similar paths again and again and again until then...
I don't know yet.
It will just go on, but it is not just going on.
I think I have to decide something that I have been putting away, letting it be as it flows, as you also have been making choices.
The reason why I could not decide is because I had a wish, I guess, an ideal ending, but a wish that I see it is time to be compared to the facts that have laid out.
行くという言葉には帰るという意味があって
居るという言葉には居ないという意味がある。
好きという言葉には欲しいという意味がある。
愛という言葉には与えたいという意味がある。
暖かいという言葉には命という意味がある。
一つのことを話しているようで、でも頭の中には複数のことが行ったり来たりしている。
As if I am speaking about one thing in my mind, it sounds like, but there are more than one thing staying in my mind as if they have nowhere else left to go.
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| Specimen: Vanessa Cardui, North America |
If one piece were missing, if many pieces were missing, they are both an uncompleted puzzle.
Do you see them different, or same thing, I wonder.
When in the end they cannot complete without every single piece present.
Maybe I have to question, if I were a piece of puzzle, if you were a piece of puzzle.
In absence of your presence, I am maybe struggling, but at least still at this point, trying to make sure that the puzzle is incomplete.
I don't know if I would care if the puzzle were completed in the end.
Still it is in the fog, what I am trying to do with it is, but I know that I don't have all control on my puzzle if one piece is already missing.
I used to love listening to Norah Jones. John Mayer too. I could lieten to her (them) for hours. Especially in the morning with her voice was my golden hours.
Is something changing inside me because for a past year or so, it has been hard to listen to her (their) songs. It's not her that is changing. She is still gold and blooming as she has been, as if she does not know nor care the ending. I think what is happening is that they touch a place inside me, where I have been trying to look away. A different kind of freedom.
Is a sweet spot also a weak spot?
It has been a while since I have lost my favorite pierce. I am still having problem finding a similar replacement. Maybe it is time to try to spend little more time to find it.
Have a good night.
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"Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay."
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay."
- Robert Frost