Atelier Talk: February/March 2025 - Making Abundant Evidence For A Theory

A new painting in progress. First time painting with canvas on a wall. 

I was writing a blog for February, and just realized it's already March -major part of writing in this blog are done in February. -Now it is April that I am finally sharing this.

This painting in the main image is already completed. It is a revival of an idea I tried when I was still in school. Back then I didn't get the result I wanted and I needed to put it aside. This time, years later, I'm pretty pleased how it turned out and I'm proud of myself for trying it again. Soon I will try to add the finished painting to my official website's passworded page which you will receive the password in newsletter.

Now I'm working on a 4 paneled painting. This month I have been thinking about many things as usual, but I have been thinking about my artist name a lot. In conclusion is that I will keep using my artist name Natsumi Goldfish as official, and I like people who respect and value it with my work.

Smonking and the hand in my work- Recently I have realized while writing an interview, that smoking has been one of the symbols I utilize in my work. Bathtubs, FIshtanks, Selfportraits, Windows, and Smoking. All of them are the same to me in a way I see. I don't smoke anything but I like the gesture of a smoking hand as a symbol of humanity. To me it symbolizes something addictive yet at the same time looks somehow cinematic and beautiful to us. I don't like the idea of smoking, I believe inhaling any kind of smoke isn't good for our lungs. But that is my personal decision and I don't force it on other people and in fact most of my friends smoke something. (And this is why I believe the stereotype of all artists smoking weed never goes away in people's minds.) Seeing the change in law in front of me and seeing the shift in people's attitudes and perspective on something that was illegal/grey zone for a long time and now legal, it is interesting to me. How everything manmade is so uncertain and how many people and their actions are so affected by it. This will be the third painting I have a smoking hand. The first two I had an image of a baton.

(JPN) つい先日あるインタビューの回答を書いている時に、今まで私が今までに描いてきた象徴的な『もの』の中にお風呂場や窓の中の風景や水槽などの他に烟草を吸う手が何度かあることに気がつく。私にとってその煙を吸うという行為自体への愛着があるわけではなく烟草を手に持っているジェスチャーとその時間が興味の元だと思う。私自身は何も吸わないのでどちらかというと映画や窓の人々や周りの人の動きの中にある行動の１つという感覚がある。私にとっては身近に存在るす『自分と違う何か』の象徴だと思う。おじいちゃんや父親や、私が好意を寄せていた異性の人たちが喫煙者だったこととか、私よりも年配の世代の人には博識で面白い人になぜか喫煙者が多かったこともあると思う。タバコを持っている手は男女ともに独特の美しさがある。なんとなく指揮者のそれに似ている。でも私の絵の中ではどちらかというと男性的な希少なモチーフかもしれない。煙草が描かれているからと言って喫煙を推奨しているわけではないけれど、それは窓から飛び降りる人を描いた絵が窓から飛び降りるべきだという意味と安易に受け取りその絵の本質を薄っぺらくしてしまうのと同じことである。エドヴァルド・ムンクの『叫び』が橋の上で発狂している人なのか、または周りの騒音に耳を塞いでいる人なのか、何かに絶望しているのか、はたまた何かものすごいものを目撃してしまった人なのか、作者の答えは別として、可能性を多く思いつける方が人生は楽しいと思う。作り手にとって、受け取り側の自由というのは難しいところで、受け手には色々な人がいる。作者ができることといえばどれだけ自由に見える世界に誘導や何らかのヒントを散りばめるのかということ食いたと思う。それだけ、と言っても個人的にはそれこそが技術が必要だったり塩梅やセンスを問われる難しいところだったりすると思う。

My New 16"  Palette 

I'm very happy about it.

・New in My Atelier・

This month I welcomed some new art supplies and tools and I'm pretty poor and happy becaume of them- a new light weight palette, new paints, staples, and brushes. I think I'm steady poor artist because of the essential art supplies. I finally had a light weight wood palette for me for moving around while painting. I have been using a large heavy duty plexiglass palette which is too heavy for me to hold and carry around while painting, and an-on-table-glass-palette. Now I need to go up and down the ladder, so my palette also need to be able to move around with me.

Although in my painting community as much as I'm aware of, a glass palette has been a standard and the most popular choice, I'm happy to try the classic wood palette which is light enough for me to carry around as I shift to large scale paintings. I also added a few new colors to my oil paints collection. Indian Yellow, Asphaltum, and Chromatic Black. Also I got three giant brushes finally..., I hope they do a fine job. Realizing moving to a bigger scale works means more supplies and more space and more energy I need. Now the 37ml~40ml paint tubes look so small although it has been normal for me to order this size for a long time. Ideas in our head changes constantly. 

This year I do want to make a wheeled painting board which is difficult to explain in words but basically a tool to paint on the floor instead of on an easel or a wall. But probably nobody is interested in me talking about it.

・Interview・

I have a small nice news that a new interview of mine just published with Bold Journey. Please take a look when you have time. When you do though, please read it on a laptop/desktop, I don't like their mobile phone version because it has too much advertisments.

Meet Natsumi Goldfish - BOLD JOURNEY Magazine

・Reading・

This month's Reading- "Edo-No-Makuraeshi" by Yoshikazu Hayashi

I started this book early last year. Some books takes time to finish. There were many times I was going to give up reading it, because this book was written for people with late mid to advanced ukiyoe knowledge but towards the end I find more joy reading it and more things to take in. My only wish/regret was that I didn't have it in the original hardcover book which they had more images and they didn't have to mask areas of images he incert in the book. In paper book version they have to cover many images and it wasone reasons why it made it difficult to understand to me who was trying to learn about Makura-e. Anyhow, for starting point I had fruitful ideas about Shun-Ga I needed to grow my art. This author has another book that I will try to find next time when I'm in Japan. Anyway I'm satisfied about finally finishing it.

林美一『江戸の枕絵師』

（JPN)林美一さんの江戸の枕絵師は去年から読み始めて、やっと今月読み終わった本でなかなか読み進まないので何度も断念しそうになったけれど、最後の３割くらいになってやっとこの本の独特な面白さを感じられるようになって無事に読み終わった。内容自体が浮世絵に関しての知識が中級者以上ある人に向けた本なので基礎知識がないと何を話しているのかわからない本だと思う。それだけでなくこの文庫本バージョンには大元の本には掲載いる絵が何枚も省略されていることと、掲載されている絵も部分部分隠されているので絵の全体像が見ることができないのも理解をするのに容易ではなくなっている理由の１つだと思う。でも一度読みきってみると最初の期待通りなかなかに良い本なので、この本もいつか再読したいし著者の違う本も読んでみたいと思う。

By the way, as I have been trying to deepen my knowledge of ukiyo-e, I realize that it was very normal for artists to have artist name(s) since ancient times in Japan. In fact, ukiyo-e artists often have several names depending on the period and type of painting they are creating. The reason I bring this up is because I have been using my artist name Natsumi Goldfish since I was still in Japan, but I am still puzzled by the fact that there are still people in the art industry, especially those who are trying to support me, who want to use my real name, which sounds more Japanese. I understand that they think it is better to use a Japanese-sounding surname to promote me as a Japanese artist, but if they respect me as a real Japanese artist, I would like them to respect my artist name I adopted. Personally, on the other hand, I have been asking myself for a long time when I should change back to my real name, but recently, while studying various arts in my country, I have finally come to feel strongly that I want to keep using my own artist name, even if I become famous. There was time I once put the initial of my surname in the middle, but I decided that Natsumi Goldfish without any addition was the best after all, and I was able to get over my long-held doubts. Although In the past, major publications such as Artsy, White Hot Magazine, and Hyperallergic have all respected my artist name- Natsumi Goldfish. I am still proud of my birth sur name, but my artist name is an important title that I have grown up with, so I want to cherish the name and the people who respect that .

（JPN) ところで浮世絵の知識を深めようとして実感するのは日本では古くから作家名があるのが普通だということ。それも浮世絵しなどは時期や描く絵の種類によって何個もの名前を持っていることが多い。なんでこんな話をするかというと私はNatsumi Goldfish というアーティスト名をまだ日本にいる時から使っているのに、いまだにアート業界には特に私をサポートしようとしてくれる人の中にも『日本人らしい』私の本名を使いたがる人たちがいることに疑問を持つから。聞こえも日本人らしい苗字でプロモートするにはそちらの方がいいと考えるのもわかるのだけども、私を日本人アーティストとして尊重してくれるのならば私のアーティスト名を尊重してほしいものだと思う。個人的にいつ本名に戻すか迷っていた時期も長かったけれど最近やっと、これからも自分のアーティスト名と一緒に成長していきたいと思うようになった。やっぱりNatsumi Goldfish がいい、と思えて長年の私の中でも迷いも吹っ切れた。Artsy も、 White Hot Magazineにも、Hyperallergic にだって過去のメジャーな記載にはNatsumi Goldfish と私のアーティスト名を尊重してくれている。私の生まれの苗字は今でも私にって誇りだけれど、アーティスト名は私にとって一緒に成長してきた大事な決意で目標で肩書きなのだから、そこを尊重してくれる人たちをより一層大事にしたい。

Music...

February's my atelier music was Alegria by silk de soleil. But to be honest I started to get bored pretty quickly and listened to a bunch of other things throughout the month on YouTube and iTunes. I was thinking of keeping studio music to be jazz/ classic only for a while, but I wanted something a little more emotive this month because February is a month of sadness for me as well as a chaotic busy month with a lot of ambitions in my heart for the year. This album isn't actually my favorite show from them in terms of the music, but this is the only one from them I own and I bought it for the cover design.

March so far, I have been listening to many youtube talks about mechanical watches. This is something many people probably don't know but I have a deep appreciation and love for watches, especially mechanical ones but I like watches in general, and I have been finally trying to learn more about them.

（JPN）2月のアトリエの音楽はシルク・ド・ソレイユのアレグリア。当分ジャズにしようと思っていたけれど今月はなんだかもう少し心が動くような曲にしたくて。２月３日はなでしこの命日、そして同月の２５日は父の命日。同じ年の同じ月に大切な家族が２人も亡くなるなんて、今でも信じられない。両親の結婚記念日も２月なので母にとってはまた少し違う想いのある月なのではないだろうかなと思う。今日私にとって２月はまだ一年が始まったばかり制作も少し無理するくらいには頑張りたい時期なのでアトリエにこもる時間も長く、色々一人で考えることの多い時期になっている。私はこの２月を界に、自分の中で今あるもの、今そこにいる人たち、今できること、への執着や姿勢が変わったと思う。２月の途中にはこのアルバムに飽きてしまって（もともとこの演目の曲はシルク・ド・ソレイユの中で私が最も好きだと言えるわけでもないのだけれど、これは本当にジャケットが気に入っているだけだったりする１枚で。）そんなわけで月の途中からはユーチューブや他のiTunesで全く他のものを聞いていた。

最後に、このブログは長い間描き途中で保存されていて、投稿せずにもう４月になってしまった。少し前の自分が書いたことを今回は編集せずにそのまま投稿することにする。