Atelier Talk: A Fight In A Long Dream

A Night Break, work in progress window painting (partial view)

I had a huge fight with you last night

in my dream.

It was as realistic as it could be,

if I could reveal you all my emotions and passions and selfishness, but I knew that it would not happen in real life.

Trying to live everyday, and I learn and go thorugh things that I am incapable, and yet everything is keep going and moves forward in its speed.

December is passing so quickly. It has not been too cold.

Everything seems like a long dream.

I wonder what would change when I finally wake up.

I wonder what will wake me up.

I wonder who will be there with me when I will wake up.


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Something  that is long becomes abstract in our memory.
So our life, in an instant moment, seem to us like a long dream for a second, when we try to remember about what happened.

This abstraction disappears soon but gradually, when our mind is ready and prepared to think about it more deeply.

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I think a key to make it happening is that
doing everything at the same time.

Not one thing, not two things, not a few things,
it is all things you can think of that you feel good and right.

And all things people around you will start to give you signs to follow for.

----
I have fear of losing something
not about material lost which I do not really concern as long as they are treated well.
and it is fair of losing something that I love
and it makes me uncomfortable to encounter things that make me falling love for
it warns me that it will leave me when I am finally in love helplessly.
when it is out of my hand, when I give it all

why, is a difficult question for me always.
The question "why" itself is already abstract.

fear comes from experiences and imagination and ignorance, it does not emerge from nowhere.

It is I guess connected to one of the reason why I make art.


It is coming from my question why I think, before everyone else's why towards me.

One of Blue Draiwng from earlier this year.

I have been having one thing I want to ask to my mother, something I want to know from her, but I haven't figure out how to start the conversation about it to ask her a question.
I feel I won't figure it out anytime soon.

It has been already a few years so.

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Lately, for past few days, my studio practice is going pretty well.
It is not quick or maybe not productive to other people's eyes
but good progress on two black and white window paintings which I would like to finish by ending of December. Meanwhile I am working on detailed drawings on scrap papers for new window paintings which I have been warming up in my mind.