Atelier Talk: The Moon is Always Full Moon (JPN/ENG)

An Intermission, Oil on Canvas, 30" x 30 ", 2019

久しぶりに日本語と英語でブログを書き始める。最近は英語ばかりだったけれど、今日は日本語と英語で綴ったほうが正しい気がする。
The middle part of this blog is written in Japanese and then it comes back to English.

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Written in Early November

Last night, I opened a bottle of white wine
not knowing that it was sparkling white wine. 

A night was a party after that.
Mopping and wiping the floor with Karaoke of best songs from my favorite Japanese singers. 

Now the floor is sparkling clean,
but it is a miracle which lasts only for a day or two. 

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あの人たちのように、
将又、もう少しでもあの人のように、
少しでも今よりもロマンチストになれたなら、
夢できっとあなたに会えると思うだけで、
安らかで心地よい眠りにつけたり
目の前の長い日をやりきることができるのだろうか。

それともそう言う君や彼らもまた、本当は
心の底では、そんなの馬鹿馬鹿しいと、本当は違うものを求めているのだろうか。

そんなことを思うようになった由縁をここに説明することは今の所予定にないのだけれど、

これを書いて何をしようとしているのかというと、私はある部分の自分の問題を、そしてそれをすでに数年間うやむやにしている私自身を叱るために、ついにしっかりと記実しようと思っただけなのです。

別に誰かへ文句を言うつもりも理由もないし、特定の人に書いたわけでも無く、今書いた文章は色々な経験に対しての文章なのです。ただ私は自分の甘い部分や弱い部分を叱責してついに飛び立つためにここに書いてみているのです。私はもうそろそろ成長してこの状況から抜け出したい、なぜなら私は心を健全に保つ責任があるから。いっその事壊れてしまえばいいのにと思う事もあるけれど。

なぜなら私は人々に作品を見て欲しい。作品を見て欲しいということは、自分がまだそれらと共に在るうちは、自分もまた作品に対して誠実でなくてはいけないと思う。
作品に求めることを、自身にもまた求めなくてはいけないと思うのです。

そうやって物ではない何かを求める道に、人は人生をかけて何かを学び、その足跡や痕跡が「誰か」になるのではないでしょうか。

この世界で役割を得るのは以外と大変だ。それは昔もそうだけれど現代もそう変わらない。少しシステムが変わっただけだ。そしてそれは恵まれている人にとっても、恵まれていない人にとっても大変だ。まず生きていなければいけない。そしてその役割と果たす期間、至って健康でいなければいけない。その上で色々な専門技術や専門知識や愛情や情熱や信条などが積み重なって役割は初めてあなたのものになる。

私たち作る人間が特にすべき事柄の一つは、作品の中に求めることを自分の中にも求めることだと思う。何故なら滲み出てしまうからだ。そしてなぜなら作品を見る人はその作り手を知りたがるのを、現代世界に生きる私たちは既に知っているからだ。

さて、話は少し変わるけれど日本には面白い文化があって、自分に何かを求めることは良しとされても他人に何かを求める（乞う）(ask for something) ことがあまり良くとたれずに受け入れられない風習がある。

でも海外で生活して私が教えられたことは、何か大きい変化を起こしたければ、自分に高みを求めるだけではなく、周りにもそれを伝えないといけないということだ。欧米では「汲む」という文化は日本（や近隣のアジア諸国）よりも浅いけれども、その代わりに「反応する」、「動く」、という文化は大きいと感じる。

「理解」され「共有」されるだけならば、まだそれは「無い」のと同じなのではないだろうか。いや、有るのだけれども、ただそれは自己満足の域と同じなのでは無いだろうか。思想は「人が動いて」こそ、此処に初めて存在することになるのではないだろうか。

私は人と一緒に生きていきたい。そしてその部分は未来的であるより、願わくは原始的であってほしい。

A progress painting: "An Intermission II" (corresponding to the painting "An Intermission") 

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13, Novembre 2019

Last night, I saw a movie "A Royal Night Out" (2015)  .
It is about V-E Day in 1945. It is British romantic comedy drama. It was a good movie, told me a few new useful words..., and also it reminded me that do not ever make a stranger man bring a drink for you. Otherwise your night will fly. 
"...and also, a pair of bennies to make the night fly."

I am not picky about war movies, for a reason. I guess not being snob or picky or judgemental before or after watching is my only rule I keep to myself. Getting emotional is fine. I do not watch that many of war movies, but when I do I watch any movie from different countries and different directors, different perspenctive, budget and quality. 

By saying "war movie" here, I am suggesting about any movie that has something about war.

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13, Novembre 2019 Continues

This past few days, I have been seeing very long dreams that are half mixed with reality.
When I wake up, my real life is still mixed with my dream..., and I have been spending first half of a day organizing and sorting it out, what is real and what was dream.

When a day (It is about a half half day, but really, it affects your entire day, however the direction you try to spend the other half of the day) is passing like this, you start to question the value of a real life/day which we are awake and active. Because you only have half of a half day when you are awake to live the part of life it is supposed to be real.

The value of a day, any day, is pretty high for me, becaue I always have full of mind of what I want to do in a day. (and a few here and there, things that I must do) .

My dreams (those long dreams) are usually relevant to my current situations interests and concerns in my real life from politics to small personal things. So it sure helps my art, if they leave me some energy to make some work out of them.

When the length of a real day is shorten, the value of a real day also decreases inside of me.
It is because I have more time of a day I am forced to spend with my dreams. I have less time in my day where I somewhat have my own control.

Maybe this is why I suddently started to go back to one of my old interests, and suddenly started to read about how to speed reading, to make up the time of my real life.

I have many books in my book shelfs that are unread (which is wonderful). I am still keep collecting books I woud like to read regardless of my reading progress.  One habit I want to bring back to from this winter is my reading habit.

I guess what I really need to learn is to read in my dream, no? In stead of speed reading.

Having complicated dreams is basically a good sign that you have a good IQ, which makes me feel better knowing.


A lot of times, my dreams are very important inspiration....so they are important to me.

Dreams to me are like recycled and filtered nutritions from real life with added articifial flavors.

I know it is temporary that a dream affects my day like this, but I don't know how long it will continues.


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12, Octobre, 2019

In a day or two it will be another full moon

"Look It's beautiful fullmoon! I need to take a picture."
One of two girls next to me is amazed and saying to her friend.


Without carefully thinking, I reacted in my head that "no it’s not full moon".

The moon is always full moon

It is only not look like so from where we live

Even if a moment I was a little ashamed to forget this.


But I wonder if I would be able to amazed in such an honest, lovely way for a moon that does not look like a full moon, for it as a full moon like the girl.

Yes I do know the girl is purely reacted to the moon which she saw/thought as a full moon. Not that she reacted to the non fullmoon.


After wondering about this for a few hours tonight

I started to feel that the moon that does not look like a full moon is more romantic than maybe the full moon that looks like a full moon.


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14, Novembre, 2019

Now it is 14th, a day after the Hunter’s Moon.

Can I be amazed for the moon tonight?



It then makes me question why it has to be full moon to be mesmerized.

It is maybe because it is only one day in 29 and a half day to meet another full moon.

We cannot see full shape of the moon every night. When we cannot see full moon when we want to.

It is also that we think full means completed, and we somehow excites us so much, and we value it so much, and it is (almost) universal.

Maybe because a fullmoon means that it is a moment when the moon unveils an entire shape of itself.


"It takes 27 days, 7 hours, and 43 minutes for our Moon to complete one full orbit around Earth. This is called the sidereal month, and is measured by our Moon's position relative to distant “fixed” stars. However, it takes our Moon about 29.5 days to complete one cycle of phases (from new Moon to new Moon)."